Test Your Relationship

Instructions: Both partners should respond to the following statements independently on a scale from 1 (strongly disagree) to 5 (strongly agree). Discuss your answers together to understand each other’s perspective and identify areas that may need improvement.

1. I openly express my needs and desires to my partner without feeling self-conscious.
2. We both clearly communicate our expectations in the relationship.
3. I feel that my partner communicates their thoughts clearly and effectively.
4. When discussing something important, we ensure we are both fully engaged and not distracted.

1. I listen carefully and give my full attention when my partner is talking.
2. I make an effort to understand my partner’s point of view, even if I disagree.
3. My partner listens to me without interrupting or preparing to respond right away.
4. We reflect on and acknowledge each other’s feelings and thoughts in our conversations.

1. I feel comfortable sharing my emotions with my partner, even negative ones.
2. My partner responds to my emotional expressions with empathy and support.
3. We can talk about our fears and vulnerabilities without any reservations.
4. Emotional honesty is valued and safeguarded in our relationship.

1. We remain respectful and calm when discussing sensitive topics.
2. Our discussions do not escalate into arguments frequently.
3. Even during disagreements, we try to understand each other’s underlying feelings and needs.
4. We take breaks if a conversation gets too intense, but we always come back to resolve it.

1. Our communication styles complement each other, facilitating easier understanding.
2. We adjust our communication style as needed to make sure we are both comfortable.
3. We recognize and respect each other’s cues for needing space to think or cool down.
4. We use humor positively to ease tensions in our discussions when appropriate.

Scoring Guide:

• 41-50 points in this category: Communication is a significant strength in your relationship.
• 31-40 points in this category: Your communication is generally effective, but there are areas that could benefit from focused improvement.
• 21-30 points in this category: Several aspects of communication need attention; consider strategies to enhance clarity, listening, and emotional exchange.
• 20 points or below in this category: It’s important to work on fundamental communication skills; professional guidance or couples therapy might be helpful.

Discussion Points: Review your scores and discuss any discrepancies or surprises in your answers. This can help you both understand how your communication styles might be interpreted differently by each other. Focus on developing strategies that foster open, empathetic dialogue and consider setting specific goals to improve areas where you are struggling.

Instructions: Each partner should independently answer the following statements using a scale from 1 (strongly disagree) to 5 (strongly agree). After completing the test, share your responses to understand each other's perspectives and discuss ways to enhance your alignment.

1. We share the same or similar ethical and moral standards.
2. We both prioritize family and relationships in a similar way.
3. Our career goals and ambitions are compatible.
4. We have a similar outlook on the importance of honesty and integrity in our relationship.

1. We enjoy the same types of social activities (e.g., parties, quiet evenings at home).
2. Our preferences for spending or saving money align well.
3. We have similar desires regarding where and how we want to live (e.g., city vs. country, type of home).
4. Our habits related to health and fitness complement each other.

1. We engage in intellectual discussions that stimulate both of us.
2. We have interests in similar genres of books, movies, or art.
3. We appreciate exploring new cultural experiences together (e.g., food, music, festivals).
4. We value education and learning opportunities in similar ways.

1. We have hobbies or recreational activities that we both enjoy participating in together.
2. We both feel satisfied with the amount of quality time we spend together.
3. We regularly try new activities together to keep our relationship dynamic and engaging.
4. Our vacation preferences and travel styles are well-matched.

1. We share similar visions for our future together (e.g., children, lifestyle choices).
2. We both agree on the role of extended family in our lives.
3. We are on the same page regarding our retirement plans.
4. We have discussed and agree on our long-term financial goals.

Scoring Guide:

• 41-50 points in this category: You have a high degree of alignment in your shared values and interests, which strengthens your relationship.
• 31-40 points in this category: While generally compatible, there are some areas where your interests and values diverge that could benefit from more discussion or compromise.
• 21-30 points in this category: There are notable differences in your values or interests that may require further exploration and understanding to ensure they don’t become points of contention.
• 20 points or below in this category: Significant discrepancies in your values and interests might challenge the relationship; consider discussing these differences openly or seeking professional guidance to navigate them.

Discussion Points: Reflect on the areas where you differ and explore whether these differences complement each other in a positive way or if they could potentially lead to conflict. Discuss ways to bridge gaps in alignment, such as adopting new shared interests or understanding and respecting individual preferences.

Instructions: Each partner should independently answer the following statements using a scale from 1 (strongly disagree) to 5 (strongly agree). Compare and discuss your responses to understand each other's needs and feelings better and identify areas for growth.

1. I regularly tell my partner I love them in ways that feel genuine and meaningful.
2. We frequently touch each other affectionately throughout the day (e.g., kissing, holding hands).
3. I feel appreciated by my partner through their words and actions.
4. My partner and I actively find ways to show our love beyond special occasions.

1. I feel deeply connected to my partner emotionally.
2. We share our innermost thoughts and feelings with each other.
3. I feel completely comfortable being myself around my partner.
4. We provide each other with emotional support during difficult times.

1. Our sexual relationship is satisfying for both of us.
2. We discuss our needs and desires openly when it comes to physical intimacy.
3. We both initiate physical intimacy, and it feels balanced.
4. I feel desired and desired by my partner in our physical relationship.

1. We make it a priority to spend quality time together regularly.
2. Our time together is often focused and uninterrupted by external distractions.
3. We enjoy a variety of activities together that strengthen our bond.
4. Quality time with my partner is something I look forward to eagerly.

1. We use affectionate nicknames and expressions with each other.
2. Our conversations include not just daily logistics but also sharing dreams, hopes, and fears.
3. We regularly express gratitude and admiration for each other.
4. We communicate openly about feeling lonely or disconnected and take steps to address these feelings.

Scoring Guide:

• 41-50 points in this category: Affection and intimacy are strong aspects of your relationship, contributing significantly to its health and happiness.
• 31-40 points in this category: There is a good foundation of affection and intimacy, but exploring deeper or more frequent expressions could be beneficial.
• 21-30 points in this category: Affection and intimacy need attention; consider how you can both be more open and connected both physically and emotionally.
• 20 points or below in this category: There may be significant barriers to intimacy and affection; it might be helpful to seek advice from a counselor or therapist to explore these issues further.

Discussion Points: Share your feelings about the scores and any differences in perception. Discuss how you can enhance your expressions of love, whether through more frequent affectionate touch, deeper emotional sharing, or ensuring that your physical relationship is satisfying for both parties. Such conversations can pave the way for a more affectionate and intimately fulfilling relationship.

After both partners have responded to each section of the test, add up your scores from all categories (Communication, Trust, Shared Values and Interests, Affection and Intimacy, Conflict Resolution) to get a total score. Use the following guide to interpret your overall relationship health:

• 205-250 points: Your relationship is exceptionally strong across all key areas. This score reflects a deep, well-established connection and effective relationship practices. Continue nurturing these strengths while keeping communication open for ongoing improvement.
• 155-204 points: Your relationship is solid, showing strengths in many areas with room for growth in others. Identify specific sections where scores were lower to focus your efforts on those aspects, potentially enhancing your connection and overall satisfaction.
• 105-154 points: There are several challenges across different areas of your relationship. It is important to address these issues openly and consider seeking additional resources or counseling to help in areas that are consistently struggling.
• 104 points or below: Your relationship may be facing significant challenges that could impact its long-term viability. Addressing these areas proactively with professional help is recommended to build a healthier, more sustainable relationship dynamic.

Reflections:

Reflect on your total score and the balance of your relationship's strengths and weaknesses. Discuss openly with your partner about the results, focusing on areas that need attention and acknowledging where you both excel. Consider setting goals for improvement in weaker areas and strategies to maintain strengths. Regular check-ins on these goals can help keep your relationship dynamic, healthy, and growing. If you find persistent or particularly difficult challenges, don't hesitate to seek professional guidance. This test is a starting point for deeper exploration and should be used as a tool for ongoing dialogue and development in your relationship.